i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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