so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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