How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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