I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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