I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize