I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
