We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
