proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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