he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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