I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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