i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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