can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
