dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
