I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
