i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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