So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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