Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
