I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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