At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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