I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
