bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
