it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
