why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
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mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just pee around me
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Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina