The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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