I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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