How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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