hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
