He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
