One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
