He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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