Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
