I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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