I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize