on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
