Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
