I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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