some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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