Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
