You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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