Me too!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
