somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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