I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
