Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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