I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
