I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
