i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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