Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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