This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
