After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
