You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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