Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
