i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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