I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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