he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
