First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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