Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
