Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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