I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize