My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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