peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
