Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
