Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
