we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize