what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
