The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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