Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
