The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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