i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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