4 words: hood of his car
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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