remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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