DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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